Untrue Uighur Execution Reports & The Onion Mocks China

Daily Review: Today, we learn about evil, biased Azerbaijan news media and evil, biased American news media.

Turkey and Azerbaijan media reports China executed 196 Uighurs. Azerbaijan, eh?

In another fine example of why EastSouthWestNorth is a must-follow blog on China, Roland Soong questions the truth of a news report from the Azerbaijan-based Azeri-Press Agency:

This just came in from APA (Azerbaijan) about a report on Kanal D (Turkey):


Followed immediately by another report from APA:


True or not?  Look at the photo — how likely are people to wear heavy winter clothes in the middle of a July day in Xinjiang?  If you insist, here is where the photo comes from (WARNING: GRAPHIC CONTENT): Link.

That link takes you to a series of photos chronicling several women being led to their execution, via a bullet to the back of their head beside a ditch. ESWN posted these photos in 2004, though it isn’t apparent how old the originals actually are. Either way, it is clear that the photos have nothing to do with any recent executions, much less the alleged execution of 196 Uighurs in connection with the recent Urumqi riots. Our reactions to exposes like this speak volumes about our own proclivities.

Hm…which will get more comments? The embarrassing and non-captioned use of the photo accompanying this story? Or the brutality of Chinese executions and the Chinese diplomat’s accusations against American meddling?


The Onion’s satire of China deemed “pretty funny”

Speaking of Americans “aggravating the situation in China”, if you’re following Shanghaiist or ChinaGeeks (or CDT and Time’s China Blog, though both blocked in China), you’ve probably already heard of The Onion, a famous American satire news publication, running a China special with quite a few spoof articles all making fun of China. Why? Because it has been sold to a Chinese company of course! While most of the pieces are pretty amusing (some are pretty lame, as if they were trying too hard), I have to agree with Elaine when she concludes that the satire overall falls a bit short from the ludicrous content of genuine state-sponsored Chinese journalism and rhetoric. Here are a few snippets of a few of the better fake headlines:

China Strong

NEW YORK—According to all sources, the People’s Republic of China is strong. The nation is united, the military unmatched, the economy vibrant, and the people ever joyful.

Similarly correct sources verified that China has always been triumphant.

In other news, the Chinese government is fair, all-knowing, and wise, propelled by the strength of two billion loyal hands, all pulling together as one under the Great Celestial Bureaucracy high above.

Experts all agreed that there can be no question of this claim, as this claim is the truth.

Nothing At All Happens To 28 Tibetan Protesters, Their Families

YANTAI, CHINA—In a non-news event, which did not occur and therefore warrants no coverage, nothing at all happened to 28 Tibetan protesters and their screaming families this Monday.

According to the great and trustworthy Chinese government, the eternal silencing of demonstrators was in no way carried out at 6:15 p.m., shortly after dusk, by officers of the People’s Armed Police. Moreover, at this time, noxious gases were not at all fired into the teeming crowd, especially not at the children, who failed to fall like sacks of flour onto the pavement below.

Potato-Faced Youngster Lauded For Memorizing Primitive 26-Character Alphabet

PHOENIX—Christopher Pierson, a glassy-eyed, slothful lump of a child who still watches cartoons despite being tall enough to reach a polymer-injection molding station, was endlessly praised Monday for recalling the scant 26 letters in the American alphabet.

American Children Like Me Are Lazy And Insolent And Must Try Harder

Hello, reader! I am a young boy from the United States, and like most other American children such as me, it seems there is nothing I enjoy more than lazing about from morning until night, eating sweets, and wantonly disrespecting the wishes of my elders.

Clear American Sky A Constant Reminder Of Industrial Inferiority


UPDATE: Since I missed it the first time around (hat tip to Imagethief), The Onion also went the extra mile to create a website for the new “owners” Yu Wan Mei. More hilarity ensues there.

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