I have a friend, let’s call him “Terry”, he is a legendary “mattress wrestler”. What is a mattress wrestler? A mattress wrestler is not a glorious title, luckily I’ve never had the pleasure of experiencing this work of art. But as Terry has gotten older and more experienced with “mattress wrestling”, he’s accepted the challenge and taken on his new identity full throttle. Below is Terry’s definition of “mattress wrestling”:
Mattress Wrestling – Near wrestling moves and countermoves performed in attack/defense of one’s attempt to get into panties. It is safe and no one is ever seriously harmed in the act of mattress wrestling. (I will save the mattress wrestling concept/philosophy and stories for another post).
Terry is going to be our spiritual guidance counselor in the world of dating local women in China. His comical, borderline sad experiences will make most American men cringe, but also remember Terry is one of the unluckiest man alive on any side of the world that I know. Terry is also one of the only guys I know that can say “Only in China” everyday due to his unlucky and crazy encounters with Chinese culture.
Disclaimer: This story will elicit the following different reactions:
WTF!!! <–U.S./Foreign audiences
HAHAHA <—Understanding sympathetic “been there done that” laugh from the Expat community in China.
Dating Tale #1 Transcript: (Content has been edited to PG, feel free to laugh, he doesn’t mind :) )
Terry says: DUDE, I ran into some crazy messed up things again just 1 hour ago!!!
James Z. says: Again?
Terry says: So I ran into this one: http://www.*****.com/2440*
Terry says: Did the usual messages and text and all that, and she wanted to meet me at Rouge out at the Bund, she said she will reserve a table there.
James Z. says: Ok, and then what happened?
Terry says: So she said if I got there first just tell the bouncer I am her guest and she has a table. So i got there before she does and waited downstairs.
Terry says: She walked right by me and did not recognize me
Terry says: So I went up and I saw her walked out to out side patio
Terry says: Ok. she must not even seen my online profile then, I said
Terry says: So I got a drink from the bar and paid for it and walked around to scope out the place
Terry says: So she texted me asking where I was. So I walked up to her and finally met her
Terry says: She saw the drink in my hand she was like where did you get that?
Terry says: I said I got it from the bar.
Terry says: I said this place is cool.
Terry says: She was like oh you should order the table service.
Terry says: I said ok, may be later after I drink this.
Terry says: She said “Oh, we have a table, let’s just order a bottle.”
Terry says: I said may be.
James Z.says: lol, TRAPPED! Come on now, you should’ve seen this coming during the text messages! You rook!
Terry says: Then i sat my drink down and asked her where the Men’s room is.
Terry says: I said I gotta go to the Men’s room.
Terry says: Luckily, I scoped it out and the kitchen has a utility stair way exit by the Men’s room.
Terry says: So I ran the hell down and went out the utility stairs
James Z.says: lol OMG!
Terry says: I got lucky and was able to get out in time, it was close.
Terry says: Some night huh
James Z. says: LOL why am I not surprised anymore, LOL.
Terry says: I pushed it too far man
Terry says: I should have not even gone in the bar.
James Z. says: LOL, you got played like an instrument! hahahahaha!
Terry says: But lucky thing is I scoped where the back door is beforehand.
Terry says: Gold-diggers!!!!!!!!!!
Terry says: Yeah man. The legend of mattress wrestling continues…
James Z. says: LOL
Terry says: digger defense (defensive strategies against gold-diggers, we should write a book)
Terry says: You know what though; I was smiling the whole way when I was running down the stairs,
Terry says: it was an awesome fun feeling getting into some crazy ass incident like this, LOL, only in China…
James Z. says: Lol ! I need to blog this.
Let me get this straight. He wasted his time and money going to Bar Rouge in order to flee out the backdoor after meeting what he suspected to be a gold-digger?
Does he have anything better to do?
I thought mattress-wrestling might actually involve something more productive…like actual conquest…or at least some scintillating border incursions.
LOL! HAHAHAHA He is a professional driver, so a lot of down time when he’s not working, HAHAHAHA.
how old is this guy? 18? and what’s with this self-censored PG thing? too much assimilation or what?
Hey Bach, “Terry” is about 18 x 2= 36 years old. And this is a professional website read by business professionals, so even if I am transcribing a normal conversations, I’m cutting out the f-bombs and other curse words.
Wow, what a hilarious story!
This is why you should always arrange to meet Chinese women at a KFC.
what was so funny about that story? All the humor in this story was lost in your convoluted delivery. learn how to write!